


take two

by DearTheodosia (DapperMuffin)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death mentioned, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reincarnation, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27852778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DapperMuffin/pseuds/DearTheodosia
Summary: Jack witnesses a misunderstanding between Alex and Lizzie that leads to him deciding that he can't go through this a second time, and he finds himself standing on the edge of the roof.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, past Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35





	take two

**Author's Note:**

> i just had a day and a half. read the tws and take care of yourselves.

"Hey, Alex?" Lizzie—no, _Eliza,_ he'd only just discovered that, he's still shaken from the realization—is close now, very close.

"Yes?" he gulps.

"I missed you." Her eyes shine, hinting perhaps at the fifty years' worth of memories and things she'd done, without him, _for him._ He holds himself perfectly still and lets her lips meet his—but _no,_ this isn't what he wants, is it?

There's a noise—a gasp?—nearby, and Alex pulls away from Eliza, head whipping to the right to see Jack looking heartbroken.

"Jack, wait!" Jack shakes his head. He backs away, slowly at first, betrayal in his eyes, and Alex watches him run off, at a loss.

"I'm sorry, Betsey, I don't feel like that anymore."

She smiles sadly, but nods. "I understand. Go." Alex nods, and she watches him go. "I had my chance, it's only fair that he get his chance with Alexander," she says to the empty room.

"John!" Alex stands on the roof, eyes fixed on the figure at the edge. "Please don't do this."

_"John?"_ Jack's voice quivers, and his head turns to look behind him. "It can't be."

"It's me." Alex smiles, because, despite the terror filling him, there is a sense of joy. "Please, I missed you, my dear Laurens. I... I can't go through that again." Alex's voice cracks.

John looks back out over the edge. He's clearly crying. "You can't have missed me that much." Alex reels back, Jack's—John's—voice is cold, colder even than the wind ripping at his clothes and hair, colder than the rain pouring down in buckets, and though it's just words, nothing has ever hurt Alex this badly. Not since Philip. "I saw you kissing Lizzie. It's her, isn't it? Eliza? We should've known sooner. I mean, come on. Lizzie Scott, Eliza Schuyler? It's not very creative."

Come to think of it, Alex Harrison. Alexander Hamilton. And Jack Law, John Laurens. Huh.

"I'm sorry," Alexander shouts. The wind tears his words from his throat, and he glares at the sky. "I don't love her anymore," he tries again. John visibly stiffens. "She made the advance on me, and I realized I didn't want it. I love her like a sister now, it's not romantic this time."

"Okay," John says. "So what? You'll fall for someone else, and inevitably leave me behind."

"Who else would understand me the way you do?" Alexander desperately hopes this isn't a futile fight, that there's one outcome where John doesn't jump, he couldn't bear to lose him again. "If you jump, I'm going to follow."

"You wouldn't." John's words are nearly lost in the wind, but Alexander can just barely make out the hint of a word here and there. "You wouldn't dare. You can't."

"I can and I will." Alexander knows he's being idiotic, surely overreacting at the very least, but the first time, he'd only stayed alive as long as he had because of Eliza and because of his children, although it'd just been Philip at the time. Once Philip was gone, once Alexander had held his son in his arms as he bled out, had Alexander begun to think and to resolve that perhaps it wasn't all worth it anymore. He'd hoped to see John, and maybe Philip, in the afterlife, whatever it happened to be. And, well, this was damn near close enough, and Alexander would be damned if John thought Alexander would let him kill himself. And over what? A stolen kiss, one that would never happen again if Alexander had any say? It wouldn't be worth it, and now Alexander just had to teach John that.

"You know they'd miss you if you died," John says, and Alexander realizes with a sick sense of clarity that John is now the one trying to plead with _him._ "Eliza, and I bet the others are out there, Lafayette, Hercules, Washington—"

"John, you don't think I would miss you if you jumped today?" Alexander says. He feels as though he's running out of time, always running out of time, and though life had decided to give him a second chance to make things right, would he have the time to do everything he'd set out to do?

He knows in his heart that the answer is **no.**

But he'll try. He'll try as hard as he can, even if the universe gives him its biggest middle finger yet.

John hasn't spoken, so he barrels onward. "I'd be devastated if you died, even more so if this was the way you went." He waves his hand at the edge of the building. "Is this the way you want to go? The falling will feel like forever, and you'll have time to regret before you hit the ground and your body finally breaks. There's much easier ways to die, if you're truly so dead set on it." Ha. Dead. That would be funny in any other context. "At the very least, come back from the edge. For me."

John swallows as though with a great deal of difficulty. His lips part, his eyebrows furrow. He looks out over the city from his vantage point once more, and then back to Alex, and slowly, painfully slowly, he takes a step away from the edge.

Alexander had let out the breath he'd been holding too early.

John had been so close to safe, but Alexander watches as he teeters, flails his arms, his eyes desperate.

And he begins to fall.

Truth be told, Alexander doesn't remember what comes next. The adrenaline must have taken over. He'd try to tell this story in the many years to come, but every time, he'd inevitably come up with nothing. He's just... here, and then there, at the edge.

One moment, Alexander is watching John take a fatal fall, and the next, he's halfway across the roof, leaning over the edge of the building. His fingers grasp at John's shirt, his arm, anything he can reach, and John's holding on for dear life. He keeps himself from looking _down,_ forcing his focus on John. If he makes one wrong move now, they could both go over.

He begins to painstakingly lift John, inch by inch, not allowing himself time to catch his breath. This is his one chance, and John's depending on him.

Only once he's managed to haul John up over the edge of the roof, once John is _safe_ in his arms, once they've both collapsed onto the roof away from the edge, does he let himself breathe.

"It's over," someone says, and Alexander thinks he must have spoken aloud before realizing John had simply echoed his thoughts. John laughs, sounding as lightheaded as Alexander feels. "I almost fucking died. Again."

"You scared me!" Alexander contemplates slapping John. John would certainly deserve it, after that stunt he'd just pulled, but they're both so shaken up. The slap can wait. "I thought you were going to die."

"So did I.'' John's voice muffles, and Alexander feels something wet. John's begun crying again, and Alexander thoroughly understands the sentiment. He's gentle as he caresses his love, the man whose death had brought about his own slow downfall, the man who brings him what little comfort he's allowed. He doesn't shed any tears of his own. He's had plenty of time for that. He has no more use for mourning the past, because John's not dead. But he gives John time to grieve, gives him time to come down from the shock and terror of a near-death experience, cares for him until he's ready.

"Okay." John wipes at his face, breath unsteady but no longer are tears streaming down his face. "I'm ready to go down the _normal_ way. Let's take the stairs." He cracks a smile, and Alexander takes John's hand in his own, intertwining their fingers because the last thing he wants to do is ever let go.

Outside the building, the pair is met with a small crowd of worried onlookers and friends. John starts to curl in on himself—when had Jack learned to hate attention?—and Laf shoos away the crowd who respond with only a disgruntled mutter now that the imminent threat and the imminent suspense is over.

"Jack, mon ami, what on earth were you thinking?" Laf rounds on John the moment the people are gone, and, just like that, in a blink, _John_ is gone, and Jack is back to being Jack.

"No, I don't think he was _thinking_ at all." Hunter glares at their friend, and Alex frowns. This is.. familiar, too familiar. But... it couldn't be, could it?

"This might be a weird question," he begins, drawing the attention away from Jack and allowing the other boy to gather himself. "But were you two ever eighteenth-century American revolutionaries?"

Hunter makes a sound that could be a laugh but borders more on choking. "You what now?"

Alex shrugs. "It's nothing, you just remind me of a couple of people I used to know." He knows Jack is looking at him and silently asking what the _fuck_ he thinks he's doing, but he ignores it.

"Used to—?" Laf splutters. "Mon frere, you were never an eighteenth-century revolutionary." His words are playful, reproachful, but his tone holds an edge, and Alex knows he's on to something.

He saunters over to Jack, basking in the way their eyes track him. "I just hope _John_ over here makes it to thirty this time around." Laf's eyes grow wide, and Hunter shakes his head.

"Alex, what are you doing?" Jack hisses.

"Relax. You know them." Jack takes a moment to look, really look, at their friends, and it hits him.

_"Oh."_

"Just to be perfectly clear," Laf begins, voice even and a bit too measured. "When you say John, you are referring to..." He knows the answer, Alex can see it in his eyes.

"John Laurens," Jack says quietly.

"That's what I thought." Laf's eyes flutter shut, and he inhales. "I did not think I'd have to do this today."

"So wait, fuck," Hunter says ineloquently. "Let me get this straight." Alexander lets out a _ha,_ and Hunter flips him the bird. "We found each other, again."

"That's right." Alexander grins around at his friends. John has his own tentative smile, and Hercules slings an arm around Lafayette's shoulders. Lafayette rubs at his temples.

"John, I can't believe you tried to kill yourself," Lafayette says slowly, and John remembers suddenly how formidable his French friend could be.

"Well, to be fair, I thought Alexander loved Eliza and not me, again, and I didn't want to spend another lifetime envying something I could never have."

Alexander thinks that was far too blasé for someone explaining why he'd nearly jumped off a building only a few minutes prior, and he takes John's hand. John gives him a look, and he sends his most reassuring look back. John seems comforted.

Lafayette shakes his head, but Hercules speaks before he can. "On the bright side, you're both still alive, and while you probably need therapy, you're okay. And that's enough for now, you can go from there."

"Yeah." John leans into Alexander, and Alexander stops to take it all in. The rain has stopped sometime in the past few minutes while they'd been talking, and while the four of them are absolutely drenched, clothes sticking to their skin, the sun is shining, a promise of hope. Here he is, with his love whom he never thought he'd see again, and their two best friends, and the future seems brighter now. Hercules is right, they're all okay. He agrees with the sentiment that they'd probably both benefit from therapy, but that can wait. For now, they're together, and they're talking and laughing as if no time had passed at all. And in a way, it hasn't. They may all be different people from who they'd been 200 years ago, but in some ways, they're exactly the same. Lafayette asks him if he's listening, and he shrugs, and Lafayette sighs. Alexander has a feeling that this time, life could work out in his favor.


End file.
